Zyon’s story
Zyon is 18 years old. He feels like he has had a good life, full of good experiences. He knows that he hasn’t had it as hard as other people, yet he has still gone through many struggles in the short years he has lived. After Zyon’s parents divorced, he lived with his mom and two sisters. He felt the weight of being the man of the house, having to be the strong one and hold down the fort so to speak. Since he was very young, even going back to eight years old, Zyon experienced negative self-talk and the pressures that go along with insecurity. For as long as he can remember, he’s constantly worried about things that he knows are out of his control, and he beats himself up over it. He described it as “struggling with the way his own mind attacks itself, causing him to spiral downhill very easily.” During those times of struggle, he has isolated himself and is alone with his thoughts. Due to the overwhelming feelings of anxiety, he has pushed out bad memories and even forgotten some of the good memories as well.
Zyon has a gift of feeling others’ emotions and is hyper-focused on his surroundings. He puts himself in others’ situations and feels their pain and turmoil. Despite these feelings, he often pushes people away and sometimes feels uncomfortable in social settings. He zones out and removes himself from conversations, sometimes feeling alone, even among friends. As a way of coping in social situations when he felt anxious, in an attempt to be funny, he would make noises, sometimes involuntarily, as well as making odd or weird facial expressions. Subsequently, Zyon was diagnosed with ADD, anxiety, and depression.
Upon receiving the diagnosis, Zyon attended therapy and sought out help to combat his feelings. It was somewhat beneficial to talk things out at times. Other times he feels it was counter-productive. Being ashamed of his feelings but at the same time he could say anything and not be judged while in therapy. Ultimately, he felt that the therapist was staring into his soul and that made him anxious. When he felt that he’d had enough therapy and he was ready to deal on his own, Zyon turned to marijuana use daily as a way for coping with the depression and anxiety. He admits that for a moment it helped to forget his issues but in the long run it was worse because the feelings didn’t go away. It was like “me doing damage to myself.” Additional depression sunk in. Therapy gave Zyon coping skills that have proven effective in giving him the power to overcome dark feelings and depression. A good routine and coping skills help him navigate his days. He lacks motivation from time to time and engages in obsessive thinking patterns. He labels his panic attacks as episodes.
Zyon does not always know how to pinpoint his feelings. He feels overwhelmed at times describing it as being “uncomfortable in my own skin.” He says that it is accompanied by laborious breathing and a very “tense body.” There have been times that the stress on his body and mind caused Zyon to have thoughts of “just wanting it to stop.” He has had suicidal ideation but has never made a plan. He just wanted the pain to go away. This is all too common when people with severe anxiety and depression hit a breaking point.
Zyon learned early on, the chemical makeup of the brain and recognizes when the levels of serotonin are off. Thinking logically and with a sober mind is helpful in dealing with the side effects of depression and anxiety. Zyon offers himself patience and understanding when in the middle of an episode. Giving it time and being involved in deep self-reflection is key. Zyon now feels that he is in control of the challenges he has and is able to function at a higher level than he previously thought. Zyon wants people to know that you don’t need to feel bad for those who struggle with his same issues. Being there for those in need is crucial and a nonjudgmental approach is most helpful. “I just want understanding.”
“The person you are now is not going to be the person who you are going to be in the future.” This is Zyon’s message. Constantly changing and having new experiences can help alter your thoughts and behaviors. He agrees that it is hard work but it is necessity in order to “get it done.”
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